Common lines after getting drunk..

Common lines after getting drunk..

1. Tu mera bhai hai..

2. Gaadi main chalaunga!

3. Mai teri Dil se izzat kartha hu!

4. Aaj chad nahi rhi hai yaar!

5. Ye mat samajh ki mai pee kar bol raha hu!

6. 1 Chota sa peg aur ho jaya!

7. Tu bol bhai kya chahiye, tere liye jaan Hazir hai!

and best one

8. Kal se daru Band..

SAGAAI Ke BAAD & SHAADI K Kuch Saal Baad. Difference.

SAGAAI Ke BAAD

Boy: THANK GOD! Is din ka to me kabse intejar kar rha tha.
Girl: To me jau?
B: Nahi bilkul nahi.
G: Do u luv me?
B: Ha. Karta tha, karta hu aur karta rahunga.
G: Kabhi mere sath dhoka karoge?
B: Nahi. Isse achha to me mar jau.
G: Kya mujhe pyar karoge?
B: Yes, why not..
G: Tum muje maroge?
B: Nahi me aisa aadmi nahi hu.
G: kya me tum pe vishvash kar sakti hu?
B: yes.
G: Oh darling!

AUR SHAADI K Kuch Saal Baad.

Just read the abovein reverse !!!
ab msg NICHE SE UPAR PADHO



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MBA guy & 3 Girls Marriage proposal.

An MBA was getting married. . .
3 young ladies offered to marry him. 

He had to make a choice, so he tested them by giving Rs. 50 thousand (50K) each to spend.

the first girl bought new dresses n said she wantd to luk gud 4 him. 

The 2nd girl  got him few shirts & ties n perfumes n said she wanted him to luk gud.

The 3rd Girl investd d money in shares. Got profit & returned him original amt, sayin dat she saved d rest for their future.

Finally he decided 2 marry d' lady who was most attractive and had biggest boobs!! 

 Men will be men 

Rajni, BigB & Obama Joke.

BigB: How Famous u r...??
Rajni: whole world knows me.
Bigb: Obama knows u..?
Give proof.

Toh, Rajni & BigB go for
Obama's house.
Rajni: stand here at the gate, i'll
take Obama on balcony and show u.

Bigb: ok.

Rajni comes wth Obama nd
show Bigb from  balcony.
Aftr sometime, Rajni bahar aya
toh dkha, bigb behosh ho gaya,
hosh me aya toh Rajni ne
reason pucha..
Bigb: Ek american bhikhari aya
tha, And asked me, 'WHO IS
THAT MAN WITH RAJNIKANTH
ON BALCONY...?




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Ho Gayi Googly !!!

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying :

"God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his
son was praying.

The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a
heart attack.

The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy
and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning.

Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead
of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's
door the next night.

Ho Gayi Googly !!!

And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants.

He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day
to make sure his health was fine.

When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch.

She said, "Thank God you're here, we could really use your help!
We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!


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What is wife??

What is wife??

Fauji :
Sare Dushman Hum Se Darte Hai Aur Hum Bivi Se.

Mochi :
Main Juton Ki Marammat Krta Hoon Aur Bivi Meri .

Teacher :
Mai School Mein Lecture Deta Hoon Aur Ghar Mein B.v Se Sunta Hn .

Officer :
Mai Office Mein Boss Hoon Aur Ghr Mein Nokar .

Judge :
Main Court May Faisle Sunata Hoon Aur Ghar Mein Khud Insaaf Ka Talabgar.


''FaisLa Aap k Haath Mein Hai Kanware Raho Khush Raho No Wife Easy Life''

Jo Shadi Kr Chuke Hai Woh Sabar Karein , Jin Ki Nahin Hui Woh Shukr Krein 



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FUNNY FULL FORMS OF IT COMPANIES

1. NIIT: Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses 

4. TCS:Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS: Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping .

7. BAAN: Beggars Association And Nerds .

8. IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM: Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM: Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT: Coffee During Office Timings

12. CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort

13. DELL: Deplorable Equipment & lacklusters

14. PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India.

15. ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees

This blog is just for fun. Dont take it seriously.
N:B:-  These are not the real names of these company and these company are highly productive.


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JOTD 3 (Joke Of The Day)

Father :- Agar iss bar tum exam
mein fail hue to mujhe papa mat kehna.

After exam........

Father : How is your result?


Son : Dimag ka dahi mat kar
BABULAL tu baap kehlane ka haq kho chuka hai...
***************************************************************************************
Once Boyfriend calls gf in midnight ......
Boy: Kya pehni ho?
Girl : Tumko hamesha yehi baat karni
aati hai ?
Boy: ok,
How India should handle Economical and Terrorism issues?



Girl: ok , It's Top and Skirt.

***************************************************************************************

A man got 2 wishes from God. He immediately wished for the best DRINK and the best WOMAN.

He got... Mineral Water and Mother Teresa.

Moral: Investment is subject to market risks. Please read the offer document carefully before investing!
***************************************************************************************
Ek bar Santa church gaya..
Achanak light chali gayi, andhera ho
gaya aur church ka ghanta bajne
laga"TONNN""TONNN"

Santa chillaya- Ohh Teri behn di ... UNDERTAKER aa gaya

***************************************************************************************

In 1975, Superman, Batman & Spiderman were flying across India & suddenly they died.

How?

Na beta na,
Har cheez ka answer Rajnikant nahi hota...


Yaad hai, Sholay me Gabbar ne 3 goliyan hawa me chalayi thi

***************************************************************************************

Announcement in a SCHOOL:
  
"Students who've Parked their cycles in front of d Gate,
Plz move their cycles to the Parking area!!" .

After 30 mins another
announcement: "The 400 students who went
to move 10 cycles plz come back to classes!"

-THATS SCHOOL LIFE AT ITS BEST!
***************************************************************************************
Pappu dialling a phone number,

A computerized female voice said, .

Aapke pas iss call k liye balance nahi hai,

Pappu :"Bas janeman, Tumse baat ho jati hai, itna hi kafi hai

***************************************************************************************
Pyaar ladko ko bhi chahiye, aur ladkiyo ko bhi...

Diff.erence is dat...
ladkiyo ko Yashraj ki movies wala chahiye.. .

And ladko ko... .
Mahesh Bhatt ki movies wala chahiYE
***************************************************************************************
Why I hate CID
Example:
LADY:" Rahul Mera Bhai Tha

DAYA:" Kya..?? Rahul Tumhara Bhai Tha.. ??

LADY:" Haan, Rahul Mera BhaiTha

ABHIJEET:" Rahul ­ Sach me Tumhara
Bhai Tha.. ??

LADY:" Ha Sir...Wo Mera Bhai Tha

ACP:" My God, Iska Matlab, Tum Rahul
Ki Behen Ho.
***************************************************************************************
Raju Ek Din Bijli Ki Dukaan Mein: Do Fan Dena...
Ek Ladies Aur Ek Gents..!

Dukaan Wala: Fans Mein Ladies Aur
Gents Nahi Hota Yaar..!!

Raju: Kyon Nahi Hota Ji...
Ek Bajaj Ka De Aur Ek Usha Ka..!!!

BIMAARI In Bollywood Style

BIMAARI In Bollywood Style :

1. Jiya Jale Jaan Jale, Raat bhar
Dhuwaan Chale= FEVER.

2. Tadap Tadap K Is Dil Se Aah
Nikalti Rahi= HEART ATTACK

3. Bidi Jalayile Jigar Se Piya Jigar
Ma Badi Aag Hai= ACIDITY.

4. Tujhme Rab Dikhta Hai Yaara
Main Kya Karu= MOTIYABIND.
.
5. Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Aayi Kisi Se
Ab Kya Kahna= MEMORY LOSS.
.
6. Mann Dole Mera Tann Dole
=MIRGI.


& The Best One,

7. Juda Hoke B TU
Mujhme Kanhi Baaki Hai= LOOSE
MOTION..


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AAP CHUTIYE HAIN

AAP CHUTIYE HAIN --------

Agar aap gym mein Itna workout
karte hain ki aapki chest aapki
girlfriend se badi dikhti hai toh
ronnie coleman ki kasam AAP
CHUTIYE HAIN
----------------------------- --
ladki k chakkar me suicide karne
walo...saare brahmand ki nazron
me aap aashiq nahi AAP CHUTIYE
HAIN
----------------------------- --
Kisi Marketing SMS ko apne 9
dosto ko forward karke ye sochna
ki apko 51.42 ka talktime milega,
kasam Bharti mittal ki AAP
CHUTIYE HAIN
----------------------------- --
agar aap apni Saheli (girlfriend) ki
recharge pe recharge karaye ja rahe
hai par fir bhe wo aapko MISS
CALL hi karti hai aur aap uske yeh
baat maan lete hai ki woh
JALANDHAR WALE BUA se baat
kar rahi thi, isliye balance khatam
ho gaya ,,,
to kasam Vodafone ke zoozoo ki
AAP CHUTIYE HAIN
----------------------------- --
agar aap software install karte
waqt Next-next click kar ke bina
dekhe add-ons install karte hain,
toh ask tool bar ke search box
me aapke liye likha hoga ki AAP
CHUTIYE HAIN
----------------------------- --
Mumbai me rehkar "OMG I saw
tusshar kapoor today- best day of
my life!!" type status lagane wale,
kasam uspe aaye 5 likes ki kasam,
AAP CHUTIYE HAIN
----------------------------- --
Ganesh sthaapna ke mauke pe
"halkat jawaani" gaana bajaake
naachne walo, Aap Chutiye Hain
----------------------------- --
agar apne dosto ko chhod ke aap
24 ghante ladkiyo mein ghuse
rehte hein toh aap Cocktail ke
hero nahi, AAP CHUTIYE HAIN
----------------------------- --
AND THE ULTIMATE ONE !!!
Agar aap Sab Se Costly i-phone
lete ho aur $1 cost ki wajah se
Whatsapp install nahi karte ho to
China mobile use karne wale bhi
kahenge ki AAP CHUTIYE HAIN
Itna Faadu msg padne ke baad bhi
agar isse share nahi kara to kasam facebook ki AAP ........................


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Invention & Inspiration (Man & Woman)

Man saw COLOURS & invented PAINT.
Woman got inspired from PAINT & invented MAKE-UP.

Man coined WORDS & invented CONVERSATION.
Woman got inspired from CONVERSATION & invented GOSSIP.

Man learned AGRICULTURE & invented FOOD.
Woman got inspired from FOOD & invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP & invented LOVE.
Woman got inspired from LOVE & invented ... LOVE TRIANGLES!

Man discovered TRADING & invented MONEY.
Woman got MONEY & started SHOPPING.

Thats it!
Thereafter, man has invented lots of things.
And WOMEN are still SHOPPING! 


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Lose your weight in gold initiative launches in Dubai | GulfNews.com

Lose your weight in gold initiative launches in Dubai | GulfNews.com

Santa and Fart In classroom

Santa farts in the classroom and his
teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He goes and sits outside the class and can’t
stop laughing.


The principal walks by and sees him sitting
outside laughing.

He says, “Santa what are you doing
sitting here laughing ?”

Santa says, “I farted in class and the
teacher threw me out.”

The principal says, “Well then, why are you
laughing ?”


Santa says, “Because the dumb idiots
are sitting in the classroom smelling my fart
while they put me outside in this beautiful,
clean air.”

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How to contain Husband's Temper.

A woman goes to the Doctor,
worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do . Every day my husband
seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband
is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish, but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your
mouth shut that does the trick."

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Story of 4 wife.

There was a man with four wives. He loved his fourth wife the most and took
a great care of her and gave her the best. He also loved his third wife
and always wanted to show her off to his friends. However, he was always
had a fear that she might runaway with some other man. He loved his second
wife too. Whenever he faced some problems, he always turned to his second
wife and she would always help him out. He did not love his first wife
though she loved him deeply, was very loyal to him and took great care of
him. One day the man fell very ill and knew that he is going to die soon.
He told himself, "I have four wives with me. I will take one of them along
with me when I die to keep company in my death."
Thus, he asked the fourth wife to die along with him and keep company. "No
way!" she replied and walked away without another word.
He asked his third wife.She said "Life is so good over here. I'm going to
remarry when you die".
He then asked his second wife. She said "I'm Sorry. I can't help you this
time around. At the most I can only accompany you til your grave."
By now his heart sank and turned cold.
Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter
where you go." the man looked up and there was his first wife. She was so
skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the
man said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"

Actually, we all have four wives in our lives.

a. The fourth wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we
lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when w die.

b. The third wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they
go to others.

c. the second wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they
had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is
up to the grave.

d. the first wife is the our soul, neglected in our pursuit of material
wealth and pleasure. It is actually...


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sab wali joke

College Wali... Masaledar Hoti Hai...


Office Wali... Sweet Hoti Hai...


Ghar Wali... Pheeki Hoti Hai

Hotel Wali... Mast Hoti Hai

5Star Wali... Mehangi Hoti Hai,...


Nukkad Wali..... Unhygenic Hoti Hai

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faith, Trust, Hope, Confidence & Over-confidence

1.Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the People gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella.
THAT'S FAITH!!

2. When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her.
THAT'S TRUST!!

3.Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next Morning but still we set the alarms to wake up.
THAT'S HOPE!!

4. We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
THAT'S CONFIDENCE!!


5. We see the world suffering.. But still we get married.
THAT'S OVER CONFIDENCE!!

Question & answer (the joke)

Q. What do you call a fat lady
waiting for a bus?
A. Moti-vating !!!


Q.What is the difference between
WATCH & WIFE?

A. Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati
hai......
Doosri bigadti hai to 'SHUROO' ho
jati hai


Q.Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi
ka blood group ek hi hai.
A. Man : Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal
se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.


Q. What's the similarity between
MOBILE and MARRIAGE ?

A. In both cases you feel 'aur
thoda ruk jata to accha model
milta'


Q. Ek admi ne sadhu se kaha, meri
biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upaaye bataiye.

A. Sadhu bola , Upaaye hota to
main sadhu kyoon banta?

Students's Exam Life

Students's Exam Life -
9am- Wake-up
10am- Breakfast
11am- Thinking 2 Score 80%
12am- Fb
1pm- Lunch
2pm- Thori Neend Le Ke Parhenge
Dimagh Set Hoga..
4pm- Games
5pm- Thinking 2 Score 60%
6pm- Troubling Friends"Kuch
Parha?"
8pm- Searching Books.
9pm- Dinner
10pm- Lo Bhai Light Gayi.
11pm- Upar Wale! Bas Pass Kara
De...
12am- Kal Se Pakka Parhunga


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Laugh Riot- Pregnant lady and a court case.

Arrested for laughing!!

This is from an actual trial in the UK.

A young Woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated
on account of her condition.

She changed her seat & he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more, she filed a court
case on him.

In the court the Man's defence was:

"When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was
pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read 'Coming Soon- The
unknown boon'. I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving
advertisement, which read: 'William's stick did the trick'."

"Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she
sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have
prevented this accident..'

The case was dismissed... the judge fell off his chair laughing..


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An Indian & An American- LOGY joke.

A USA tourist asked a Indian boat guy:
Do you know Biology, Psychology, Geology ?

The boat guy said:
NO

The tourist then said:
What the hell you know? You will die of illiteracy !!

After a while, the boat started sinking, so the boatman asked the tourist :
Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodilogy?

The tourist said: No

The boat guy replied:
Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your bodyology and you will Dieology because of your Bad mouthology





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Ramayan Now.

अगर आज के समय में रामायण होती तो कैसी खबरे
आती ..........

● राजा दशरथ ने की श्रवण कुमार की हत्या , FIR दर्ज |

● अयोध्या के राजपाठ को लेके राजा-रानी में विवाद बढ़ा |

● केवट द्वारा चरण धुलवाने से मायावती हुई नाराज़ , कहा ये हैं
दलितों का अपमान |

● तड़का वध व सूर्पनखा की नाक कटाई के विरोध में
महिला आयोग का अयोध्या में प्रदर्शन जारी |

● राजा दशरथ की अंतिम शव यात्रा में स्वयं दशरथ भी मौजूद :
इंडिया टीवी |

● बाली की हत्या की शक की सुई श्रीराम पर ठहरी , सप्ताह भर
में सीबीआई पेश करेगी रिपोर्ट |

● 6 माह तक रावण को अपनी काख में दबा के घुमने के जुर्म में
बाली के खिलाफ इन्द्रजीत ने मुकदमा दायर किया |

● सोने का हिरन मारने पर श्रीराम जी को वन विभाग से
मिली चेतावनी |

● श्रीराम ने अपनी पत्नी सीता के अपहरण का मामला दर्ज
कराया |

● बिना वीसा हनुमान लंका गए , श्रीलंका सरकार ने जताई
आपति |

● समुद्र पर असंवेधानिक सेतु बनाने पर नल व नील से सीबीआई
करेगी पूछताछ |

● अशोक वाटिका उजाड़ने , युवराज अक्ष को मारने व लंका में
आग लगाने के जुर्म में रावण ने वीर हनुमान को बंदी बनाया |

● हिमालय वासियों ने पर्वत श्रृंखला से एक पर्वत के
चोरी हो जाने की रिपोर्ट दर्ज कराई |

● अंगद ने लंका के राजा का उन्ही के निवास स्थान में जाके
किया अपमान |

● विभीषण पर देशद्रोह का आरोप , हुए तड़ीपार |

● श्रीराम ने किया रावण का फर्जी एनकाउंटर , भरत व
श्रीलंका सरकार की दूरियां बढ़ी |

● सीता से अग्नि परीक्षा मांगने पर महिला आयोग ने श्रीराम
की कड़े शब्दों में निंदा की |

● क्या पुष्पक विमान को अयोध्या में उतरने
की अनुमति देगी सरकार ??

● सुप्रीम कोर्ट ने जनता की मांग पर श्रीराम व
उनकी सेना को सभी आरोपों से मुक्त किया |

** इति श्री रामायण कथा समाप्त ***

उपरोक्त विचार सिर्फ काल्पनिक मात्र हैं | ये किसी की भावनाए
को ठेस पहुचाने हेतु नहीं अपित सरकार व मिडिया के चरित्र
को दर्शाने हेतु हैं | इसे सीरियसली लेके अपनी नाजुक
भावनाए आहत ना करे |

Cricket Match Vs Daily Soap(serials)

Husband wife watching an a Cricket match together:"

After 5 minutes:"

Wife:" Is this Bret Lee ??

Husband:" No, this is Chris Gayle,
Bret Lee is a bowler..

Wife:" Okay, oh look, another  wicket..

Husband:" No, this is just a replay
of the last one..

Wife:" Hmm, looks like India is going to win
this one..

Husband:" It's Austraila V/s west Indies

Wife:" How many runs they need
to win now ??

Husband:" 72 runs in 36 balls..

Wife:" Ehnn! That's easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball..

Husband:" *Turns off the TV*

Wife:" Turns it on again and starts watching
"Daily serial"

Husband:" Who is she ??


Wife:" dont disturb me...

Engineers & IPL teams.

If engineers buy ipl team the Names of the teams would
be


1.RAJASTHAN RECTIFIERS
2.KOLKATA FUSE WIRES
3.MUMBAI INDICATORS
4.DELHI  BEARINGS
5.DECCAN CAPACITORS
6.CHENNAI SUPER CONDUCTORS
7.BANGALORE BACKLOGGERS
8.PUNJAB P-N JUNCTIONS
9. PUNE Wanderers.

5 indigestible lines by girls.

Ladkiyon ki 5 Batein kabhi samjh nahi aati 

1: Tum Bade Wo Ho (Pata nahi wo se kya matlab.?)

2: Mujhe tumse yeh umeed nahi thi (Toh Kya Umeed Thi) 

3: Tum pehle jaise nahi rahe (toh fir main pehle kaisa tha)

4: Such btana main kaisi dikh rahi hu (ab sach bolke pitna thodi na hain)

5: I'm very selfish na.. (Ab sach bol do toh gai bhaish pani main).

Mohabbatein ENGINEERING version

Mohabbatein ENGINEERING version
1 student tha deewana sa,
1subject pe wo marta tha,
books uthakar, chasma lagakar,
library se gujra krta tha,
kuch padhna tha shayad usko,
jaane kisse darta tha,
jab bhi milta tha mujhse pucha krta tha ,
ye pass kaise haota h yaar,
ye paass kaise hota h yaar,
or main bas ye keh pata tha
KITABEIN KHULI YA HO BAND
PADHNA LAST NIGHT KO HI HOTA HAI,
KAISE KAHO MAIN O YAARA YE PASS AISE HI HOTA H.

Awesome Story About friendship....

Awesome Story

1st frnd:" dekh maine naya mobile Liya..

2nd frnd:" waah, chal party de,
mai tujhe gift dunga..

Shaam ko wo hotel gaye
(after dinner)

2nd frnd:" tumne hotel me khane ka intezaam kaise kiya.. ??

1st frnd:" kal jo naya Mobile liya tha usko Bech ke..

Teri khushi se badkar thode hi kuchh hai...

2nd frnd:" Saale, Mujhe pata tha,
tu aisa hi karega..

Maine tera becha hua mobile Us dukan se le liya tha...

Le teri gift...

"Zindagi me dost nahi, Dosto me zindagi hai..

Which Paper ??? Cool story of exam !!!

Two best friends coming out of the
examination hall with chips and coke in hands...

Raj: Which paper was it??

Rahul: I guess it was
maths...not sure


Raj: (surprisingly):You read the
question paper??

Rahul : NO..! I saw a girl sitting
besides me using a calculator

Shaitan kehta hai

Shaitan kehta hai k:
1:Azaan ki aawaz sun kar Namaz ko na jane wala mera Bap hai.
2:Fazul kharch karne wala mera Bhai hai.
3:Imam sahab se pehle Rukoo, karne wala
mera Beta hai
4:Mehmaan aane per moo chadane wali aurat meri Maa hai.
5:sar pe dupate k bagair rehne wali aurat meri Bwi hai
6:Bagair bismillah k khana shuru karne wale meri aulad hai.
OR Jo ye bat kisi ko batae woh mera dushman hai Or Jo na batae wo mera dost hai

ट्रेफिक हवलदार - लायसेंस (Traffic Constable & Auto License)

ट्रेफिक हवलदार - लायसेंस बताओ!
चालक - नहीं है साब!
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - क्या तुमने ड्रायविंग लायसेंस बनवाया है?
चालक - नहीं।
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - क्यों?
चालक - मैं बनवाने गया था, पर वो पहचान पत्र माँगते हैं। वो मेरे पास नही है।
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - तो तुममतदाता पहचान पत्र बनवा लो।
चालक - मै वहाँ गया था साब! वो राशनकार्ड माँगते है। वो मेरे पास नहीं है।
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - तो पहले राशन कार्ड बनवा लो।
चालक - मैं म्युनिसिपल भी गया था साब! वो पासबुक माँगते हैं।
ट्रेफिक हवलदार - तो मेरे बाप बैंक खाता खुलवा ले।
चालक - मैं बैंक गया था साब! बैंकवाले ड्रायविंग लायसेंस माँगते हैं।

Joke Of The Day 2 (JOTD2)

Teenager's Facebook Post:

Internet Was Not Working Last Night, Spent Time With Family.
They Seem To Be Nice People
*********************************************************************************
Ek Bhikhari:" Arey yaar ! Koi meri
CYCLE chura le gaya aur apni BIKE
yahan rakh gaya

Dusra Bhikhari:" Abe tu to Loott gaya
yaar ! Ye to PETROL se chalti hai
**********************************************************************************
Employee: Boss, Petrol Price went up I haven't said anything,

Even vegetables price are Up I haven't asked for hike...

But Now Dance-Bars are OPEN....
I want SALARY HIKE ........
**********************************************************************************

Question:What is the full-form of Maths! 
Answer:Mentally Affected Teachers Harassing Students.

*****************************************************************************************************
Argument between British and India. British:we spoiled your mother land for 200 years. India:we are spoiling your mother tongue daily.
*****************************************************************************************************

Doctor to Patient:The cheque which u gave me has returned back.
Patient to Doc:The headache 4 wich u gave me medicine has also returned back
*****************************************************************************************************


A recently fired stock trader said ... "This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."
*****************************************************************************************************

Father: Your teacher says she finds itImpossible to teach you anything!Son:That`s why I say she`s no good!
*****************************************************************************************************

Agar 'g' ki value 9.8 ki jagah 10 hoti toh

gravity ke baap ka kya jata?

Aur calculations me kitna aaraam hota!

P.S- Nature bhi Engineering students ke maje lene ka mauka nahi chhodta
*****************************************************************************************************
Police Constable To Son:
"Stupid, Why Did U Get Very Low  Marks in All Subjects.?

Son: "Keep This 50 Rupees & Close This Matter.!!
*****************************************************************************************************
Height of teasing:
I was sitting near the window & singing...
"kabutar ja ja ja"

Then my mom asked me: " Kya hua Beti?
SMS pack khatam ho gayi kya" ??
*****************************************************************************************************
New Teacher - Students tell your
names and hobbies......??

Boys - I'm Amit , My hobbyis
watching Bubble.

I'm "vicky":- My hobby is watching Bubble

I'm "Manish" :- My hobby is also
watching Bubble.

I'm "Anshul" :- My hobby is also watching
Bubble.

I'm "Mohit" :- My hobby is also
watching Bubble.

Teacher: Oh, all boys have same
hobbies, That's Go0d...

Now Girls, Please..??
Girl :- Hi My name is Bubble..
*****************************************************************************************************

Story of 3 saint Love, Success & wealth (3 santh ki kahani, Prem, Daulat aur safalta)

एक दिन एक औरत अपने घर के बाहर आईऔर उसने तीन संतों को अपने घर के सामने देखा। वह उन्हें जानती नहीं थी। औरत ने कहा – “कृपया भीतर आइये और भोजन करिए।”
संत बोले – “क्या तुम्हारे पति घर पर हैं?”
औरत ने कहा – “नहीं, वे अभी बाहर गए हैं।”
संत बोले – “हम तभी भीतर आयेंगे जब वह घर पर हों।”
शाम को उस औरत का पति घर आया और औरत ने उसे यह सब बताया।
औरत के पति ने कहा – “जाओ और उनसेकहो कि मैं घर आ गया हूँ और उनको आदर सहित बुलाओ।”
औरत बाहर गई और उनको भीतर आने के लिए कहा।
संत बोले – “हम सब किसी भी घर मेंएक साथ नहीं जाते।”
“पर क्यों?” – औरत ने पूछा।
उनमें से एक संत ने कहा – “मेरा नाम धन है” – फ़िर दूसरे संतों की ओर इशारा कर के कहा – “इन दोनों के नाम सफलता और प्रेम हैं। हममें से कोई एक ही भीतर आ सकता है। आप घर के अन्य सदस्यों से मिलकर तय कर लें कि भीतर किसे निमंत्रित करना है।”
औरत ने भीतर जाकर अपने पति को यह सब बताया। उसका पति बहुत प्रसन्नहो गया और बोला – “यदि ऐसा है तो हमें धन को आमंत्रित करना चाहिए।हमारा घर खुशियों से भर जाएगा।”
लेकिन उसकी पत्नी ने कहा – “मुझेलगता है कि हमें सफलता को आमंत्रित करना चाहिए।”
उनकी बेटी दूसरे कमरे से यह सब सुन रही थी। वह उनके पास आई और बोली – “मुझे लगता है कि हमें प्रेम को आमंत्रित करना चाहिए। प्रेम से बढ़कर कुछ भी नहीं हैं।”
“तुम ठीक कहती हो, हमें प्रेम को ही बुलाना चाहिए” – उसके माता-पिता ने कहा।
औरत घर के बाहर गई और उसने संतों से पूछा – “आप में से जिनका नाम प्रेम है वे कृपया घर में प्रवेशकर भोजन गृहण करें।”
प्रेम घर की ओर बढ़ चले। बाकी के दो संत भी उनके पीछे चलने लगे।
औरत ने आश्चर्य से उन दोनों से पूछा – “मैंने तो सिर्फ़ प्रेम को आमंत्रित किया था। आप लोग भीतर क्यों जा रहे हैं?”
उनमें से एक ने कहा – “यदि आपने धन और सफलता में से किसी एक को आमंत्रित किया होता तो केवल वही भीतर जाता। आपने प्रेम को आमंत्रित किया है। प्रेम कभी अकेला नहीं जाता। प्रेम जहाँ-जहाँ जाता है, धन और सफलता उसके पीछे जाते हैं।

Beautiful Lines

Someone has written these beautiful LINES. Read and try to understand the deeper meaning of them.

🌸1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout life.

🌸2. Why is a car's windshield so large & the rear view mirror so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, look ahead and move on.

🌸 3. Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes a few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

🌸 4. All things in life are temporary. If they are going well, enjoy them, they will not last forever. If they are going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

🌸 5. Old friends are gold! New friends are diamond! If you get a diamond, don't forget the gold! To hold a diamond, you always need a base of gold!

🌸 6. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart; it's just a bend, not the end!"

🌸 7. When God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems, He has faith in YOUR abilities.

🌸8. A blind person asked God: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

🌸9. When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

🌸 10. Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's PEACE.

How to know a girls name !!!

Boy : What Is Ur Name?

Girl : kyu Bataon, Me Tumhein Nahi Janti.

Boy: Na Batao Me Konsa Tumhen Apni New
HONDA Car Main Bitha K 5 Star Resturant Le Jane
Wala Tha !!!


Girl: Jasmin, B.ComFinal Year, Delhi
College..
College Timing 8am To 1pm,
Friday Timing 8 To 12pm
Sunday Off
Aati Papa K Sath Hun
Wapsi Pe Akeli Hoti Hon..!

Logical thinking....

A NIGHT IN THE BAR:
Bartender: Who Are You? I've never seen you before...
Man: Yeah! I just lost my job and came here
for a drink
Bartender: What kind of Job?
Man: Well. I am a Consultant.
Bartender: Whats that?
Man: Its a logical thinker.
Bartender: Logical Think, what?
Man: Let me explain it with an Example. Do
you have a dog?
Bartender: Yes!
Man: That means you love animals
Bartender: True!
Man: That mean you love your kids too.
Bartender: Yes True!
Man: You have Kids, that means you are
Married. Bartender: Very True!
Man: You love your Kids. You are still married,
means you have a beautiful Wife.
Bartender: Amazing man! How do you know
all these?
Man: Thats logical thinking now you are
married to a lady, so you are not Gay!
Bartender: Impressive!
Man: Time to leave. Bye!
(About 20 mins, later the Bartender's Boss
Comes)
Bartender: Boss, you know I met a Consultant today.
Boss: Consultant!! Whats that??
Bartender: A logical thinker.
Boss: Logical what??
Bartender: I'll explain it with an Example
Boss: Okay!
Bartender: Do you have a DOG?
Boss: No!
Bartender: That means you are Gay! BOSS
DIED...!!

Raanjhaaanaa Starting Dialouge

Ek Ladki Thi Jo Bagal Mein Bhaithi Thi..
Ek Kuch Doctor Jo Abhi Bhi Iss Umeed Me The Ki Shayad Yeh Murda Phir Jaag Pade..
 Ek Dost Tha Jo Pagal Tha.. 
Ek Aur Ladki Thi Jisne Apna Sab Kuch Haar Diya Tha Mujhpe.. 
Meri Maa Thi, Baap Tha, Banaras Ki Galiyaan Thi Aur Yeh Ek Hamaara Shareer Tha Jo Hume Chord Chuka Tha.. 
Aur Yeh Mera Seena Jisme Ab Bhi Aag Baaki Thi.. 
Hum Uth Sakte The Par Kiske Liye.. Hum Cheek Sakte The !! Par Kiske Liye ??
Mera Pyaar Zoya, Banaras Ki Galiyaan, Bindiya, Muraali Sab Mujhse Chooth Raha Tha... Mere Seene Ki Aag Yaa Toh Mujhe Zinda Kar Sakti Thi Ya Fir Mujhe Marr SaktiThi, Par Saala Ab Uthe Kaun, Kaun Phir Se Mehnat Kare Dil Lagane Ko, Dil Tudwane Ko, 

Abe Koi Toh AawajDe Ke Rok Lo, Ye Jo Ladki Murda Si Aanke Liye Baithi Hai Bagal Me, 
Aaj Bhi Haan Bol De Toh Mahadev Ki Kasam Waapas Aa Jayen 
Par Nahi Ab Saala Mood Nahi, Aankhe Moond Lene Me Hi Sukh Hai, 
So Jaane Me Hi Bhalayi Hai, Par Uthenge Kisi Din Ussi Ganga Kinare Damru Bajane Ko, Unhi Banaras Ke Galiyo Me Daud Jaane Ko,
Kisi Zoya Ke Ishq Me Phir Se Padh Jaane Ko..

BREAKUP

What Is BREAKUP..???




It Is A Matter Of Time When
A JAAN Becomes JAANWAR
And
A CUTIEE Becomes KUTTI.

Ranjhannaa Dialogues

1."Namaaz mein vo thi par aisa laga ki dua hamari qabool ho gayi"

2. "Aye rickshaw waale, paise mat lena madam se bhabhi hai tumhari"

3."Aashiq ki tab nahi fatti jab mehbooba ki shaadi ho jaye par tab fatti hai jab khud ki shaadi ho"

4."Gali ke laundon ka pyaar aksar doctor aur engineer le jaate hai..dil chota na kar"

5. "Hum khoon bahaein tum aanson bahao..saala aashiqui na ho gaya lathicharge ho gaya"

6."Lanka dahan hona baaki tha kyunki hamara jawaan hona baaki tha".

7. "Ek baat main samajh gaya hoon. Ladki aur rocket aapko kahin bhi le jaa sakte hain"

8. "Tumhara pyaar na ho gaya..UPSC ka exam ho gaya. 10 saal se paas hi nai ho raha" 

9. "Humein apne gaal pe thapad se zyada uske gaal pe puppy ka sukh tha" 

and last but not the least.

10) Banaras ke pandit the hum, wo bhi kaale! Kaise chod dete!